my little moods when they pop up like bubbles are of no value.."

Message #31933 of 31946

Fri Jan 26, 2007 3:14 pm

Dear Eric,

Thank you for this words.

I was just thinking should I share with you or not, my personal experience (which can happen to anybody.)

Yesterday my son(43years) in talk with me reacted, in one moment in very explosive, violent way, out of his control, screeming, banking on the table , throwing things which were in this moment near his hand. (by chance, it was box with dussin of CD musik ,from some other friend ..)

I was shocked but with some little distance.. like being inside and watching dramatical show ..

"Firmly established in conviction that my little moods when they pop up like bubbles are of no value.."

I went out of my flat telling him that he can go now home . (He is living in Stockholm)

After that my friend Suada told me that I should not alow him to behave like that ...... She said that I don't help him if I don't put stop and show him that he should have respect..

She(and some other friend) thinks I should stop communicating with him... if he phones ..I should not speak with him..

I should not speak with him..

?????

I asked her question...(which I ask myself more often in this situations when somebody 'hurt' me verbaly...)

who is hurt?

(dear n0by, I can hear words of 'dead masters'..

Who is hurt?..Who is ofended?..

Look inside ..who is there...who are you?...)

I said to Suada:

If I don't speak with him because hi ofended me that means I will cary this wound in me..

And how long? ...

She said : "Until he change and understand that he should not behave like this"..

Master (Osho) inside said: "He may change tomorrow..will you see it?"

(I don't see that he is changing toward me ..) but he may change, and I will not see it if I remember bad things he has donne...

I said to my Suada:

I tried 30 years to learn how to put my EGO under control.. I understood words of masters..but in practice... It was not deep in me..

I tried 30 years to learn how to put my EGO under control..

Now suddenly burden was not so haevy.. I was wittnessing drama...Being little more awake..

I was feeling little unpleasent..naturaly in such situation..

an I am little sad because my son is suffering... , It was tension, fear,desperation,agression in him.. but I cannot take it away ..

He is not ready to take responsibility for his deeds,..

he thinks often it is fault of others..for his troubles..

(specialy his divorced parents)...

he has to go through his lessons..

and "things are as they are." (wispered my 'dead' gurus...smilingly)

"things are as they are."

thanks for attantion to all who red it..

I'd like to hear how would you react in simmilar situation, when somebody 'explode' shouting bad words at you, banking on the table, throwing 'your' things.. (doesn't matter if this is your near or far related person)

Would you be able to speak next time with this person when you meet him and he start to talk like nothing has happend, even if he is not saying ..forgive me..

It was real happening in my life yesterday.. But for me it was another bad scene from a dream-like life. It was in the evening. Today is new dream...outside all white and little more light...I go out in snow..

love
z

Today is new dream...

p.s

just now I opened mail of my son who write:"Miso came with peace yesterday".. he needed my help in one problem but I was not able to listen him..

he is not asking for forgivenes..

but he wants to talk..again it was my fault...

and if I would listen advice of my friends ...I should not answer his mail..

but I answered...

I follow my feelings and teachings of my 'dead' and alive masters!

I follow my feelings ...

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