biggest 'offender' against
human rights
As I understand from your writing, your father had an affair with your mother (a teenager/an immature young girl). His first wife, the mother of his first two sons, suicided (according to you?) leaving the way for your father to marry your mother. You stated on obb-sannyas that your father would never talk about his first wife's death.
Your natural mother treated her step-children differently from her own children (the two little bereft boys, without their mother to protect them, were given margarine whilst Noby enjoyed butter). You stated that your half-brother committed suicide with a gun at the age of 21.
Why do I care? For me, the biggest crime would be to fail as a mother. I feel you have failed as a father due to your example in thought, word and deed and, especially, the lack of love in your heart. I feel it's almost too late as you are beyond middle age and are now entering your senior years/dottage. You could be struck down with a stroke and be left unable to speak and immobile, and requiring someone to wipe your bum for you.
Being a commune mother isn't important to me. What matters is I am a successful mother to my own son. I didn't leave it too late and did the hard yakka in earlier years in order to intuit what he needed, as a unique individual, to encourage him to be independent and free. Your relationships are co-dependent Noby.
I am a successful mother to
my own son.