|Message #1238 of 1258||
|G it sounds as if you and your family have
one view on how to best care for your mom, and her friend obviously has
these types of family interactions are not easy. And while both sides may have what they feel to be the best intentions it obviously is going to cause a lot of friction for the other side. Perhaps it isn't as sinister as you may be projecting that it is. Who knows what has happened in this other womans life ? Maybe her family wanted to stear her life in a certain direction and so she *thinks* she is aiding your mother to keep more of her own counsel. Without knowing more of the situation it is at this point hard to say exactly what is taking place and the motivations behind it.
As far as the words just being theory - yes of course this is the way it is for everyone for a time. Any path and practice takes time to root and grow so that definite changes take place. i didn't have instant success within my own journey and suffered for many years do to the minds clinging and aversion to ones external story. As we do the practices though there may start to make an appearance a calmer and less reactionary mind. In order for this to take place it will take learning to use methodologies in all aspects of ones life. Not just making it a practice to be done for a partial segment of the day like this time is for spiritual practice and the rest of the time is for life. Life becomes ones spiritual practice. This of course takes a bit of time to enter into fully.
It is so easy to get caught up in the various soap opera dramas in our lives. We can either let them rule the day and the mind and continue to grow and rub us raw. Or we can see that this is something that is always changing and will in time fall away as another event and transient experience that we either navigated well or that rather held the reigns and kept us on a circulating hamster wheel of confusion and angst. We cannot force others in our lives to behave as we would like them to. They have free will and sometimes their free will may be percieved as being quite contrary to our own. In times like these Yes it is difficult. Parents don't want to feel that their children are treating them like children. Even though the best intentions may be in place and the children are equating what they are doing as being protective and coming from a type of love. hahahahahahahah But the view of the parent who has always been the *authority* figure may in fact view this as something else entirely. This isn't easy to accept. And there is no easy answer to be given as the more you want to *help* her the more she may see it as something else. OOOFFF a hard situation to be sure. Of course the children want the mothers love and approval and sometimes in old age the parents may just seem to get even more cantankerous. So in the end one may only get some peace when they can see the bigger picture and recognise that the reactions of the mom cannot be taken so personally. Try to get some emotional distance from creating big drama story lines around it and making others out to be evil. Thier evil may simply be coming from a genuine different view of concern.
Try to give the best you can give in the moment and recognise we cannot control everything in life. The more we want to try to control something - the more out of control we will feel when things are not so easily managed. The situation is not going to be forever - this too will change.
Do what you can do and when it doesn't go your way then have a clear consciense that you have done your best. Somethings are just going to be out of our hands in the end. We can either accept that or can continue to let it rub us raw and be a constant irritant that is like a big black worm that is gnawing at our brains. My suggestion is take a big deep breath and let the worm go onto green pastures. Let it out of the cage as it isn't a pet you
have any benefit to keep in your life.