-maybe this should titled the n0by / G, chronicles #3

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 04:44:02 -0800

Namaste Ganga! Blessings Sat*Chit*Anand Shanti-Shanti-Shanti OM
Love- Light - Great Peace & IS

* You create an intense emotional atmosphere with you heart touching letters, your web-sites and your online lectures in your groups! Without – or let’s be more honest – with jealousy my congratulations! I thankfully appreciate, that you pay so much attention for a wild warrior, who starts and ends all days with the prayer: ‘G*D save me from enlightenment and other evil events!’



G hahahahahaha well don't know what you will draw in with that mantra - but each to their own. It's not enlightenment that is the problem as that blows out the conditioned mind ramblings, what it is that you fight against is false gurus - false prophets - now this  one is quite valid.
We all fight and kick against the goads for sometime - i also fought so many  things along the way - or at least thought i was. hahahahahahaha In my case though this  passed in time and was pulled into what is termed the holy of holies where no doubt  may remain as to what is Reality which is Unchanging from which is the transient ever  changing show. So in this came my Freedom at last.

* In Seattle in those cold autumn days 1983 I hardly tried to ‘’under-stand’’, what’s wrong with me not worth to participate in this ‘cosy circus club of divine devotes’! So I missed my chance, to accompany my beloved World Master Bhagwan Osho into an U.S. jail like HIS Highest  Holy  Secretary Ma Anand Sheela, who has been so lucky to meditate years in  U.S.  jail.



G be Happy that you were out of it early. Why are you upset to be turned loose from such an organization? Yes i understand at first the ego feels as if it has been  betrayed - but in the larger picture What would you have *Gained* by being there? Would  it  Really have Freed you from the conditioned mind ? or was it simply creating a  bhagwan  conditioned seeing?

Party hearty in the name of spirituality ? or was it playing to ego's  ?  While some of his writings are fine - how it translated out into practices is another thing entirely. Yes  i get into hot water for saying this but he shouldn't have been a Guru - a writer yes - but he jumped  on the bandwagon of free sex and the hippy era - in the name of freedom he created more  bondage for many many seekers. This is a sad thing to leave in your wake.

Are you morning that you didn't get jail ? hahahahahahaha Then again on  not  such a funny note - in one way you did get jail time. i term this Velvet Bars -  the prison of kicking against the goads and attempting to keep yourself *safe* from  being  hurt again or more. But looking at this - are you still not hurting ? No matter  how  much we rail and strike out - it comes from pain. We want to see ourselves as strong -  but in  reality it stems from a deep pain - and this is sad. How do i know this ? Because i  have  been there at one time in my search - deep - deep - pain - that lashed out at all  that i  perceived as being the Cause. But none of the lashing out cured it - it did not bring  relief.  It was simply ongoing but as you i also convinced myself of being some righteous warrior. So i can  understand what you are doing - Why - what motivates and keeps that wheel turning.  Also i can say that this way doesn't ever cut the chains that bind. It only keeps the wheel  of pain in motion and ingraining the pain even further into a solid mass. What we try to  break  free from by fighting we only serve to feed it's energy against us. Ah this is a  tough  lesson we come to learn more often than not the hard way. i know that here it was  learned the  hard way. Hopefully you can escape this one more rapidly than i did.

* Bhagwan Osho meanwhile gave His life – like Jesus - for our  sins.



G now this is utter nonsense - i give what may be given not for  anyones  sins - but to aide them to step off the wheel of suffering. i don't save anyone - they  must save themselves - there are no magic wands. i am not a savior - but a Guru. Which  is simply one that has stepped out of the darkness and is willing to Share ways  and  means - methodolgies that may aide others in their journey's. For Osho to say he  was doing it for others sins is hogwash.

* Bhagwan Osho complained several times about secret Thallium  poison in His days of U.S. jail. So His Enlightened Super Sensitive Body, His Lotus Paradis,  perished soon and left Him 19-01-1990. Other sinning sannyasins report, that He ordered  His  doctors to help Him die.  

G who knows what the truth of this is or is not - in any case Karma  and  the Universe caught up with him. (yes this is a controversial statement) but this is how  it is seen here.

* Myself, as doubting sinner, cursed already with my family name  ‘Thomas’, the doubting one of Jesus analphabetic devotees,



G ah Thomas simply wanted to see what was really there - hahahahahah so he put his hand in the side of jesus and so there was no  more  doubt. this wasn't necessarily a bad thing - he wanted to find out IF  it  was Real or not. Nothing bad in this what so ever. So- called doubting  Thomas simply was seeking Truth from supposition. Maybe it was a wise thing  to  make sure.

* and after many more experiences alive with other exciting Gurus  like  Poonjaji in Lucknow, disciple of Ramana, and 10 years more of enlightening evening  hours  devoted to an disciple of Poonjaji, Guru Isaac Shapiro and some other guys in the  Enlightenment Entertainment biz





G i once had someone one of my yahoo groups that complained i didn't  give  long enough or humorous enough answers like Osho - hahahahahahaah i told him you  buy me  a rolls royce and i'll entertain you as well. hahahahahahaha in other words i am  not in that business - Satsangs are not sold here - not promoted - no shows. Yes  Osho  was into showmanship - people will pay for entertainment and playing at the  spirituality game. Many guru's will feed egos - give them what they want to feel good - all the  strokes.
But this breaks through nothing. This difference is i don't play - oh  don't  get me wrong we have a lot of laughter here but it isn't at the expense of the spiritual  journey. It may aide in giving some relief when things become difficult. As usually the  spiritual path will become Difficult when one is facing their fears and digging through the  egoic holdings or averisons.

* like Swami Prem Tyohar or Swami Anand Mikaire from the Osho lineage and after years of costly cyber and personal caring of an ‘energy  liberated’  friend Swami Anand Jivano aka Michael Kabir, disciple of Wolfgang Rudra (another one from  the Osho lineage) and after years long voyages through different Cyber Gulags of Politic Pesting Priests like Bob Rose (Meditation Society of America), Jerry Katz  (NonDualitySalon), Swami Deva SSarlo (GuruRat and LeavingOsho), Swami  SSackRatShita (Belgium), Swami Surrendra (Munich) or  Swami SSchmarrndoofi (Berlin) ...all these poor praying people searching for a  higher  self on the voyage from ‘Inferior Hell to Superior Hell’ sorry and enough  Ganga: SpitShituality’ gives me the creeps!






G well why you continued to seek aide through others of Osho's realm is  surprising in one way and not surprising in another. After all when we come from a disapproving *family* whether physical or spiritual etc. We continue to seek *acceptance* from the  one that has hurt us. IF only they would accept us. Then my life would be OK. Sometimes  and in my own life this had to be looked at hard. hmmmmmm - Looking into my own situation (as this is all i can speak from with certainty) i saw that i ran my life around the  disapproval and the negative that had been put in this direction (years of abusive drama) .
Then looking further what was seen was really that there was nothing  that  could be given from that end - as his conditionings were driving his misplaced anger  and  discharging.
So SEEING that what was being directed my way as a child came out of  ignorance and that to continue to run my life based upon another's  ignorance  really wasn't of value - so there was a letting go of All the baggage that had been collected from that time.  People  give only what they have to give- many times they have little to give - as most are running on the fuel of ignorance - pain - and collected ideas. Most are wrapped   up in  their own show - what i term the soap operas of their lives. This translates to all segments of society and all have things that  are driving their actions - Only when Realization comes does the driving wheel of conditionings become  disengaged.

* You’re not shocked?


G no not at all shocked - saddened perhaps that you seem to feel the  need  to lump Anything to do with spirituality into one mold. Not all fingers on the hand  are the same.

* You have encouraged me to write more open minded – without political correct respect for your Buddha Biz, in need of reputation and recommendation to collect not only  attention for your deep divinity but some bucks too. Has my natural nasty Prussian perverted  male mischievous mind in future lost your loving attention now?









G how many bucks have you given here in order to have this conversation ?  What has been asked from you ? Your pessimism is your own undoing - in this there is  sadness for you.

You lash out - out of pain - like a child who has to test - and test -  and  test - to see if they are truly loved. This happens with kids that are sent to foster homes -  they will push and push and push to SEE if there is Love there or only collecting the paycheck.

There is no paycheck here - so you can quit testing. The attention you get from here is  given because what you are going through is understood. Your methodology of attempting to  shock and continuing to lash out is understood. But i am not your enemy and Neither  was i the one who brought your pain. Can at least this be seen ?

example: i had a father that was abusive - so does this mean that i  should  rail against all families ? Should every father in existence be lumped into that basket ?

Look yes there are many many abusive fathers in the world just as there are many misguided  and  abusive persons acting as spiritual leaders. But hatred against them all simply  is  not rational. Should not each be judged on their own merits and actions. What is  this  idea of being condemned and belittled until one proves their innocense.

* Or will you continue, to punish my stubborn blockhead with your  weird words whip upon my insensitive, thick Walrus skin? My woman calls me ‘Walrus’ BTW.  

G there is no punishment here.

* The advantage in your eloquent enlightenment entertainment –  last  lecture with pics attached, double thanks! – is, that you pay attention for a horny  heathen  like me, who is almost allergic versus Satsang teaching and preaching.  

G no preaching - i don't have a pulpit. Satsangs yes (association  with  truth) but not sold - no shows .

* Nevertheless I feel highly flattered, that you, a Professional  Kundalini Conductor, pay so much attention with your precious private letters, you publish in your  group.





G nothing is done privately here - usually there is a heading when  people begin to write and on most of the groups opening page that states :  NOTIFICATION :  DO NOT SEND PRIVATE MAILS THAT YOU DO NOT WANT ONLINE ...... NONE OF MY  MAILS ARE PRIVATE IF IT IS ANSWERED IN PRIVATE IT WILL BE POSTED AND ANSWERED PUBLICLY ...

This is quite clearly stated on the group you have joined. What is  said to  you may be of aide to another. This is why they are listed on the site. Why Any  letter is  listed there. You are not the exception. This is the price of admission so to speak. Transparency.

* All teachers have given up with my stubbornness; everyone  nowadays is afraid or bored about my greatest gift: to turn friends into enemies!

G there is no fear here - nor boredom - just sadness that you have  been so caught up in your private war - that does nothing but continue to solidify your pain. No  one ever becomes an enemy here - while someones actions may not be condoned Still no  matter  who it is or what they have done i simply can no longer remain angry with a person -  actions are actions - but Anyone would be welcomed to come for a cup of coffee. i do  not see someones actions as who they are. There is a difference - actions come out of ignorance or mis communication or any number of other things. The person has within them the Same Essence  it is ONE. So while i may speak against actions - the person is another matter entirely.

* In our n0by group gathering under the label Free Speech the  most  eloquent enlightened entertainers and strict searchers and severe seekers on the path  like Jerry Brooks (Buddhist lineage) or Jeff Belyea (Jesus lineage) have given up  and only share, where I’m banned. I mock about their groups as ‘’Closed Censored  Gulag Groups’’.

G well be that as it may - i have no fear of you. Neither do i  condemn  you. Although i say that perhaps your actions are counter productive to what you wish to  achieve.

* Other, who tried hard, to find a friendly connection with my  stubborn sarcastic trickiness like Eric (Paris) or Anand Sukanpally (an Indian down under) got really mad  about my caring floppy finger and mind exercises in my joyful games. G i doubt they are as joyful as you wish to pretend. Sarcasm  sometimes  may be a way to get negative attention and also as a buffering way to keep yourself in  that velvet barred prison of self protection. In either case aren't there better  alternatives  ?

* Yes, there are hard, rainy, cold foggy days ahead in Germany in-  and  outside. You are the second one with my Munich friend Michael-Kabir, who changes my mostly  murderous mood into a smile! Thank you with bow downs! G keep the bow downs - a laugh is enough.

* But my misery is not felt depressive enough, to ask anyone for help –  except someone to make me smile, like you can.

G misery is a sad bedfellow - hard on the health. Better to Smile  and  laugh - laughter is a good medicine. It is clear that help may be needed to  pull  clear of the mire you are wedged in. But no one can do it for you - neither  can  aide be given until it is wanted. We have a right to our suffering and  unproductive behavior and the Karma it dredges up. Eventually one sees that their  efforts are going nowhere and the big hamster wheel becomes less attractive.

* Once again I send my letter to you private plus to your closed,  censored group ‘’G*D_realized’’, where you can delete my word works or answer again. Thanks, I enjoy all your answers:

G there are no private letters here - not unless someone  *specifically*  requests them to be - then again you like shock value, and having the opportunity to  call  my group censored etc. It is censored if you wish to call it that - from advertisements - rants - and disrespectful agendas.

* Thanks for your compassionate caring! My feeling from diving  deeper  in your word works and web sites are absolute positive, blessed! I feel, that you  have  reached something, I’m still longing for – and I don’t not even know, what is is!  G well it is possible for you to find - no one can give it to you.  But in  order to get there it takes being willing to forego the externalized drama's. High price  isn't it  ? hahahahahahah It was enjoyable to speak with you - voices are better than words on a screen.

*      So I recommend everyone to visit your site and ask for your advice.
G you are sending them to a censored site - to someone in the buddha  biz - to a satsang seller. hahahahahahahah did hell freeze over ? hahahahahahah

* To ask for advice is nearly impossible for me, because that gives me  a feeling of  helplessness like on a dentist chairs.



G oooooooo dentists make this one cringe - like finger nails on a  blackboard. Novocain doesn't work here - the body just absorbs it - they have to give IV  meds and the moment they are done and take the IV out - am up. They worry i  might fall over or something but no am steady as a rock. Don't know why am simply not affected by these meds.

* I first should admit, that my body brain heart is not working  best.  But how can I do this, as long my pain and suffering isn’t great enough?











G i think it may be great enough - the problem may be it is so great  that  to slow down at all brings it all the more to the front of awareness. Many times this is  the case. This is why some people party all the time - or have to have Something to fill up  the hours with externalized attention. When we stop running then we get whacked in the  face - OOOF Ouch !!! as we pick ourselves up off the floor and brush ourselves  off -  we shake the head (block or otherwise) and say Man what freight train just hit me ?  A that time we can either begin to find a way to look at things and begin to dismantle them  - or run for the next activity of covering over. Whether this be the next Osho entertainer or chasing all the gulag satsang sellers - doesn't matter - covering over is  covering over.

There are a few Guru's out there who don't play this game. Homey don't  play  that -  The first step to finding freedom is by being willing to confront our own  games - Oh yes we have all been the King or Queen of our own personal pity party. rather than pointing fingers and running the warrior trip - as what we are  usually fighting is our own pain, the first step forward is to See that our enemies  are not without but within. Now what are we going to do about it ????

De Nile (denial) is a river many sail - in fact they have BIG  Houseboats moored there.


Love & Light
May you find what you are seeking -