Message 14429 of 14532  

Sat Aug 7, 2004  5:20 am

well... i feel i have to say SOMETHING - anyway -

i have been ON MY OWN since age 14. i WAS totally victimized by the males in my life, and my mom was ONLY concerned to *please* these males. i meant as NOTHING to her. she never believed me - any TRUTH i told her about them. They literally tried to KILL me, because of their guilt. (as well as *tried* to rape me) One could hardly blame another like myself for *leaving*. I did NOT "run away"... I simply left.

AND - have done JUST fine - thankyou very much. Perhaps I seem a bit "unconventional". but considering what went on - I am alive and strong to let EVERYBODY know - that NO one victimizes me!!! Not since about age 16. Being of above-average intelligence has helped immensely, but i believe that being *psychic* (aka "over-sensitive") all my life was my best bet. the ONLY time i was vulnerable was when i "fell in love" (quote-unquote)...

So, you see... NO-butty - NO! - NO one or ANYone ever refer to me as "victim wanting to be victimized" EVER EVER again!!! I *earned* my pedigree as a *strong woman*. Being almost ALL right-brained is weird, true - but has not failed me yet.

gol-dammed gene_poole, the Oshos - the many many faces of 'Ed' - the mental and emotional torture - all is tolerable. What was ALMOST NOT tolerable was gene_poole insulting me, forcefully and publically undermining ALL my credibility, accusing me to people BEHIND MY BACK of being a psychologically *unsound* person "in need of help".

Well - FUCK THAT GENE!!! I bet I been around the block at least a dozen more times than YOU. And I *still* remember my manners, my intentions, to *bless* people, NOT condemn them to hell, and NOT to jump to immediate incredulous conclusions. WHAT an EGO - 'quien es mas macho???' frickkin' CHAUVINIST PIG and pin-headed, meglo-maniacal MALE EGO *supreme*!

For example - (gene or anybody) - YOU would like to be treated the SAME way that you have treated ME???

I am NOT a "victim" - I have surmounted dubious circumstances repeatedly since age 14. I *am* an artist. I *am* a 'drama queen'. I AM *mySELF* - god-damned you-all!!!

I take an anti-depressant called 'Effexor'. I take a very small dose and it
controls my bi-polar condition. (Bi-polar - a literal *pedigree* for artists...) My mental and emotional health is entirely stable - except sometimes when confronted by the likes of YOU, it can really really really HURT me almost mortally, and spin me into a depression.

Do NOT - and i repeat do NOT - ever ever ever pass instantaneous judgement and condemn someone like you did ME, EVER again!!! It was PAINFUL, it was TWISTED and BIZARRE - and YOU made a total FOOL of yourself, as you can see.

I have already suffered ENOUGH pain and hurt and heartache to fill at least 3 books. What I do NOT need, is to be publically dissed repeatedly by sum total frustrated BAH-stud with an agenda to enforce power. It has made me cry helplessly, get REALLY REALLY ANGRY, it has fucked with my "biorythyms" immensely. And I have NEVER met anyone as ignorant, egotistical, faux judgemental and sadistic as you EVER! Just YOU and VanderWhite - *strange brew*... It has NOT been worth it whatsoever - still i am on this insane n0by group, and STILL defending myself against various attacks... Just because *some* people's creativity is LOADED with *ego* - is no excuse to attack whom you might perceive as yer "lessers" - or ANYONE for that matter!

Would you want your mom, sister, or daughter to be treated the way you have treated me??? NOooo...I would NOT *think* so...


fuck off!
(and die)

no - wait!!!

just the *apology* -
I WILL accept an apology.

NOT smiling

i WAS totally victimized by the males in my life, and my mom was ONLY concerned to *please* these males. 

frickkin' CHAUVINIST PIG and pin-headed, meglo-maniacal MALE EGO *supreme*!