<- satsang_agenda_paradox_statement

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Tue Apr 27, 2004 10:05 pm

Hi all,

Intimate sharing at midnight:
(For those who don't know who the f*ck is IS: http://www.isaacshapiro.de/ )

Dear Isaac,

Since smoking stopped half a year ago, there is a pattern popping up/getting stronger/coming in the picture again. It is something mental that is with me almost as long as I can remember.
The loud version is wistling. A modest version is doing the same without the wistle, only the sound of the air going in and out, but still wistling melodies. The silent version is completely without 'material' sound.
But still it is connected with the breathing process somehow. Then there is the possibility to 'produce' a melody while holding the breath, then there is a sense of movement but physically the movement is actually indetectable. Have you ever tried to think for instance the letter 'a' without any movement? I have been intrigued by this for years. And it comes the closest as I can get to body/mind connection/split.

Paralel to what I want to point out was what happened the day smoking fell away.

Smoking stopped almost at the moment that I became fully aware of the following:
The felt urge to smoke again, after with willpower not having smoked for 6 hours, was incredibly strong AND not traceable in the body, so THE FEELINGS WERE THOUGHTS.  Till the moment of that discovery I had the belief ( a conviction that turned out to be a belief), that whenever there was a feeling/emotion, there had to be a preceding thought. What I became aware then, was that the mind fooled me into thinking that a thought was a feeling, so I kept looking for the thought before the feeling.

In the same way, I am becoming aware the last weeks that this 'soundless wistle' is a almost always present foil, that in a way is in between me and the world. (Only during this totall beauty experiences I guess there were holes in this mental/invisible body bag).

Dramatic statement: I am wrapped in a mental silence that (thinks) to keep me safe, and is the last barrier to being silence.

It took me some weeks to get it as clear as it is now. I wanted to put this 'up'. The effect of this focussed getting it clear is amazing.

See you tonight.