Dumb Dark Depressive December Death Diary

Bad, bad mood – the devil inside creates this destructive turmoil. Sitting silently, doing nothing and the watcher inside shares these uncomfortable feelings and avoids the temptation to hurt others as relief. War, the last resort: Israel Palestine, Muslims Hindus Christians, men women children, technology nature, animals men, rich poor, fight inside, outside - everywhere. Only the Dalai Lama keeps smiling. Crazy celebrities smile for money. CNN advertises a wonderful world for customers, who pay the price. But CNN shows a violent, nasty reality of worldwide crimes.

Thankfully some very last few in our group are cordially appreciated to share their life situations: Hans lost his old Mom. Ananda Down Under got a new job. Mima’s father suffers on his death bed since the start of her Christmas Market. My 88 years Old Mom sits with other old people and waits silently for her meals. The TV entertains these old people, but nobody listens. Life changes slowly into death. My younger brother is retired and grand father. New life grows, old life goes. My daughter in between is like all of us in the hand of the destiny. The plan behind is a hidden mystery.



Michael would haved mocked: "Diarrhea not Diary!"
Waking up in my nights the watcher sits silently and observes his nothingness, reaching nowhere else but to sickness, old age and death. All entertainments look empty, although life is thirsty for luxuries, voyages, success, money, spiritually, guidance, friends and reputation. One experience is solid: to give is more blessed than to take. To suffer is better than to make others suffer. All arduous efforts bring up a valid recognition of the futile nothingness of all and everything. There is nothing to reach, there is nowhere to go, and there is nothing to get but sickness and death. But each breath towards this land of nowhere is a gift of heaven and hell. This BlaBla brings nothing and all other words give nothing, no matter if words are weird or wonderful.

Words are nothing but breathing out air loaded with meaning, mostly mean meaning for egoistic goals to impress and to manipulate, to seduce others for own egoistic goals. Don’t trust anybody else but sickness and death, and even these friends take away your health, wealth and self confidence.



City Hall Melsungen
Last quarrel with our Hamburg friend Thomas was about Osho’s teeth. Devageet was Osho’s dentist. He travelled through the Rajneesh Centers. In Munich Rajneesh Center Tao Swami Devageet reported several years ago about the last treatment of Osho’s teeth. Osho asked Devageet to throw out his teeth – one after another. Even Devageet had already pulled out one evening session several of Osho’s teeth, Osho asked next evening to pull out some more. Devageet was not secure in his medical knowledge: the patient Osho needed some rest before the next severe treatment. But Osho asked as Master from his disciple Devageet just to do, what he was told to do: ‘Pull out my next teeth!’

So Devageet obeyed the Master and pulled out Osho’s next teeth. That was the end of December 1989, shortly before Osho’s death on 19th January 1990. My feelings about these treatments Thomas refused very angry. My feeling was and still is, Osho was tired of his hurting body and tried in every way, to get ready to die. Osho told Devageet, that there was still some karmic connection with his bad teeth, so it was absolutely necessary to pull out those teeth. The doubting Hamburg Thomas is sure about, that Osho has not at all any ‘Karma’ left, and his will to pull out his teeth was only, to get rid of the U.S. jail hidden Thallium pollution  to heal and help the body. Just shortly before death?



Devageet, Osho's dentist
These Thomas' healing theories just shortly before Osho’s death are controvers to my feelings. My feelings are, that these highly evolved people like Sokrates, Jesus or Osho are not anymore connected with their bodies like ordinary people. Possessions don’t count anymore with this weight like possessions count for you and me. What else is this very Lotus Paradise, our body, more than a possession?

Having done all and everything, what was possible to do in those times of Sokrates, Jesus or Osho, what worth and value would it give to hold longer to this possession, the body?

Mima and one of her brothers and her sister are ready, to let their father go home, where all voyages end. Only one brother connected first with Sannyas, now since decades with Christian ideology will the poor man suffer from medical treatment till his very last breath. And these medical treatments are costly but cruel too. Werner has signed spring 2007 in quite good health, not to suffer unnecessary from cruel, costly treatment till death like violent nourishment through the nose directly into the stomach. Werner has several times removed this stomach tube from his nose. So in one hospital the medical caretakers have fixed Werner arm, so he couldn’t move anymore his hand to pull out the stomach tube from his nose.



Mima's father: voyage home 12-27-2008
My nerves are tense these days in all these troubles: Christmas Market, Mima’s father with brain stroke, the severe sickness of my daughter, and my old mom in the home for elder people in her age of 88 years, my younger brother this big talking man with all toys and possessions, friends and all in good health.....

To watch closer the roots of all these troubles in life make me realize: the more life loads up on my shoulder, the more life gives grace. People like Sokrates, Jesus and Osho got an overload on their shoulder till the final collapse. Most other people suffer in mediocre crisis only, although they complain to the max. This letter is an example for complaints to the max. Silence would be wisdom, but who is ready to be silent?



High Way Racing home with max speed 180 km/h
with my 10 years old Golf IV: 247.361 Kilometer



Walk with Old Mom, 88 years

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