|Strange feelings inside want to express themselves in neurotic
creativity. Nothing beautiful to expect, because the inner sickness and
seriousity brings up only public vomiting. What to do? Silence would be
much better, but who is able to shut up? Most people are addicted to
read themselves somewhere. The more readers the more the minority
complex is pampered. A sucking energy for attention molests benevolent
readers. But most will listen to their instincts not to dive deeper in
this sucking negativity.
My woman came back after her one week journey. My addiction for attention writes up to five letters in the SPIEGEL chat online. With some effort it is possible to bring my molesting mind online in the SPIEGEL chat. There is not much happiness to do this.
These political discussions burden my mind, my heart, my soul , when there would be something like soul, but there is nothing felt inside like soul. There is nothing connected with meditation, nothing connected with an undoubtful admiration for someone or something – except the gratidude and grandezza of Mother Nature.
|It is healing to travel in the mountain, although month of November
brings darkness at five or six p.m. It is a dark month, but the
mountains still are beautiful. There is so much anger and frustration
inside, that it is hard to treat my woman well. By my harsh attacks my
friend Thomas in Hamburg is totally pissed, my brother feels
uncomfortable too with me.
Our n0by group gathering is boring. Even the pious propaganda from our friend in Texas sounds more and more like an Osho programmed parrot. This gifted painter needs to advertise his spiritual success in ongoing self praising, although his words contain a trace of consolation for my mixed up mind. Thanks da Gaff!
But, but, but… finally my body should relax next to my Mimamai in her simple motor home “Sea Cow”. A walk in the mountain, a sauna bath in the Zillertal valley town Fuegen, some lines on the new net book. Life is not that bad. The only curse is mind: this head engine is always hunting myself with sorrows and quarrels. Good Night!
Saturday morning the high heads of the mountains still carry some grey, thick clouds. Frome the valley town Fuegen it’s 12 Kilometres street 1200 Metres higher to the ‘High Fuegen’. In winter time there is much traffic for skiing. But now only two, three people are around. We start walking early in the morning and return tired after eight hours. Again a sauna bath helps to relax the muscles and mind.
Moon is coming out in a clear frosty night.
The temperature falls below freezing point.
Sunday morning at 8.00 a.m. the first sun warms up the ‘Sea Cow’,
so we turn out the gas oven. It is great with Mima in her Sea Cow.