|Jeeva, a young friend (* 1971) from Chennai is right: my
provocations are painful for everybody since longer than my last 50 years.
My poor parents suffered most, but that's the half truth only. Most pain
existence creates for my self, because my bad behaviour and my painful
provocations destroy continually, what is valuable for me and others. Yes
frankly I have to admit: I'm an absolute failure as priest and politician!
You are right, dear Jeeva, that I'm not only a bad host for our n0by group gathering, where some of our best and most engaged writers left. I don't annoy you with the left long line of these precious people. I don't annoy you with the leisure lists, where these lost loved ones may write now without provoked pain but with pretty pleasure.
From time to time my motivation to create our Free Speech Forum is fading away. Who supports Free Speech, when you have to read something, what you never wanted to read? Who wants lies, ranting, provocations, black mails - all these awful negative manifestations of sick ugly minds like mine?
|Mind works like words and music creates feelings. Feelings
create 'like' or 'dislike'. Some are specialised
to create 'like' other 'dislike'. My experience has to share: be aware of
the ones, who create 'like', because they are experts for 'dislike' too!
All failures in my personal relationships did not yet change my bad behaviour or soften my polluting provocations. Precious people have tested me. Vice versa I have tested them. Cause create effect. The result is obvious: I'm left alone, like I leave people alone.
Nevertheless on my hermit island some still stay in close connection. Who likes, is invited to come and to stay. Who leaves, is free to do so.
Rasa, self elevated 'Mother Goddess', gave me a list 2006, where she advertises her 'spiritual success'. But thanks, I have enough - enough of people like Rasa and her 600 lists.
|Polluting provocations create tension in the readers, vice
versa their tension is mirrored back to me. This week end once again I have
to take 'holydays from my quarrelling mind'.
First day muscles and feet carry my big Buddha belly up from Bertesgaden to the mountain top 'Jenner'. This 10 hours sweating efforts silence my mind.
My mind is quarrelling with others in www.orkut.com these days. There are many Indians. I mock about the 'Indian Enlightment Virus.' Jeeva is highly infected by this virus too, I know from his letters.
One 'sincere seeker', Alok Mishra from Kanpur, asks: 'What else, when no Enlightenment'?
My answer: I wish, my words could create friends. Friends with open faces, ready to share their life, like I share mine. So we could create an online community with real and honest life stories.
It would be great, to create such friends. But how? Could friendly behaviour create friends? Could friendly words in and for each situation create friends? My memory imagines Osho handcuffed in jail. Master kept smiling. How did he do this?
When I met Poonjaji in Lucknow, this Master was more shouting then smiling. Nevertheless Poonjaji had thousands of friends worldwide.
Frankly I have to recognise: My behaviour is not designed, to make and to hold friends. In this way my life is a failure, nevertheless I still feel alive. So I continue to tell stories about my little week end excursions like this again: to Berchtesgaden, Lake 'Koenigsee', Jenner mountain and 'Kehlstein' house.
|The area Berchtesgaden was notorious for Hitler's Nazi
activities. Kehlstein house (Eagle’s Nest) is like a castle in the sky, 1834
meters above sea level. Books in many languages report the history about
this place, a present for Hitler's 50th birthday 1939.
My fingers feel exhausted, to line up word after word. I 'feel' some places from history to our present time and sometimes a vision of the future comes.
The madness of WW2 killed around 50.000.000 people! The documentation centre in the 'Obersalzberg' area reports from this depressive time of EGO maniacs’ Nazi celebrities.
These people dreamt about 'the New Man', the 'revolution'. Thousands marched over corpses. These vicious winners didn't complain about their victims. You can still listen to their voices:
'You can't have an omelette without cracking eggs, you can't have a revolution without cracking heads.'
|The 'Fuehrer' started in Berchtesgaden his 'drive by'. People adored the Fuehrer like a God. When the Fuehrer touched someone, this person felt blessed and did not wash his body for a while. So the blessed carried the 'energy of the Fuehrer' for a while.||
During Bhagwan's Drive-By in Rajneeshpuram 1983
|After the rise and fall of Rajneeshpuram the smiling Master
Osho told us:
'I had chosen Sheela to be my secretary to give you a little taste of what fascism means.'
No Sir, I had tested already enough of this taste in our German Country, in my upbringing, in the reports about our history. I didn't need Osho's and Sheela's taste of fascism anymore!
In Berchtesgades devoted people waited for the Fuehrer without food for days. The Kehlstein house in 1934 metres and the street up into this height was build in 13 month only. 10 people died during this work. The price for the project was outrageous.
I'm tired after four days in Mima's VW Transporter, her 'Sea Cow'. I'm tired after hard walks in the mountains, after all these impressions, after hours on the roads in sun and thunderstorm, after bathes in thermal or salty water, to cure my skin; I'm tired sometimes of people and everything. Besides all my longing for friends their comes this feeling: ‘It's the best, to be left alone!’
|Yes, I was and I am tired of James Wyly quotation maniac
attitude! Gurdjieff I have adored 1965/66, when I finished my school. What I
really needed those days, was a woman to teach me body love!
Books over books my mind has stored and one story I remember the best:
'The Master on his death bed called all his disciples in the Monastery to come. He spoke: This is the book with the most Inner Secrets. I give this book to my successor, like I got it from all the generations before. The successor took the book and throws it immediately in the open fire. What you are doing, the Master nearly screamed with tears in his eyes. What you are saying, shouted the disciple, the new Master back.'
No, Jeeva, I don't buy these Master Disciples games anymore. I was never intelligent enough, to 'surrender'. But still I'm on my way, to trust myself more and more. And it still feels absolute true, to detest this 'taste of fascism', Master Osho enjoyed his games on us disciples.
Still I observe from these little online experiences, that 99 percent are victims of this Fuehrer Master imagination. Gain and greed grows by this sannyass sickness with the infection I call the ‘Indian Enlightment Virus’.