Message 3652 of 21871

   Sun Jan 11, 2004  10:33 pm  

From my history book:
In 1984 I did a tantra training with Ted and others in the Dordrecht Sannyass commune in Dordrecht/Holland. For some reason he told me at the end of the training that he couldn't help me any further, better I should contact Veeresh. Then one of his assistents invited me into her bed and basicly that explains why I ended up at the summerfestival in Rajneesh Puram.
[One of this crazy things that sometimes happen: when I found out about all this people from Dordrecht going to this festival and also wanting this, they told me that it would be impossible to find another ticket: I found one and that was for the plane they were in].

This were two crazy weeks. Imagine a party in a Hollywood movie version of a concentration camp before they made everything look old. With sexy sannyas ladies rehearsing there roles as sherif, mayor and citizens in there normal orange juice outfits. Nothing was for real, except for the bullets. And the hatred and the fear that I started to sense. Covered with the cramped laughter and joy of may be 20.000 oranges.

(I was basicly dressed in blue, like a Rorschach inkblot on a the back of an albino). In this 2 weeks I went thru a lot of different states/layers. I attended a hilarious cremation of a sannyasin and I could join the celebration of (natural?) death. I attended the shortest highway of Oregon and saw also the eyes of Baghwan through the windows of an expensive car that he was wearing for sunglasses. Still remember that when he passed I had some inner image (very rare) that I described as yellowish/mummyish.What my mind interpreted as: for me its something from the past, he is not my teacher.

Yet I also fell in love with the place for a few days, even considering to go home and back to stay for long. For me that had to do with a thought like: wauw, building an oases in Amerika without wiping out the existing population. How naieve.

Then there was this big celebration in this oversized building with enormous loud music. For a friend of mine so scary that she left the place crying. As I was very close to the open side of the building I walked over to her and after 2 minutes walked back. At least that was my intention. I was hindered by some actors, dressed as sannyasins, who explained to me that there was a rule that you were not allowed to go back in satsang after leaving. I refused to obey them and went back in (scary action, I can tell you). From then on I had an escort in satsang and I was waited for at the end and kind of arrested. My sannyas lover passed and they just laughed and left me there.

I made a scene and insisted to speak to Veeresh, pretending that I knew him. Finally some sannyas actor with authority came over and asked what was going on and she convinced my guards to let me go. And there where of course the sound cassettes with Baghwan speaking and the messages that Sheela told the crowd on behalf of her master.


I told my sannyas lover and some other people from Dordrecht that I could not imagine certain messages to be from someone enlightened. I even said that I wouldn't be surprised that even the cassettes were manipulated. The way of the heart laughed of course fullheartedly.

And I attended a training with this small cowboy, Santosh?

On my way home, in the sannyas hotel in Portland, suddenly I found myself almost face to face with Sheela. Without thinking I adressed her and asked her the question that puzzled me: Sheela, why do you call your frightened neighbours fascists? And she, also without thinking, hissed: because they are fascists!

Then two things happended simultaniously. She was called away for a phone call. And something in me concluded: this lady is mentally ill. So I took care that I did not see her again.

'Rasjneesh Puram' has bothered me for more than 15 years. It took years and years for tits and bits of information to reach me. For me this experience helped to withdraw for a long time from anything that had to do with spirituality.

Between 1 and 2 years ago I attended a satsang with Rani and thought that it was time to talk with an insider about 'Rasjneesh Puram'. She contacted me with Ojas, who lived there in that time. We had a few hours chat in 'De ijsbreker' in Amsterdam over some capucinos.

And miraculously the Puram knot disappeared in the weeks thereafter.

Only last week I found this link where I could read that Baghwan was from the very first day clear and open on what happened. What puzzles me is that a year before I sensed what was happening there and he didn't (or didn't act on it). Then why the f*ck do we want to be enlightened.

This last sentence is the cover up for a mess, clearer it is not yet.